Monday, August 24, 2009

Why the word epic is the most dynamic word in the English language (besides fuck).

Ladies and gentlemen; I am here today to prove to you beyond doubt why epic is the most dynamic word in the English language.


As a statement

Epic. (Your everyday, standard epic)

Epic! (For when you just need a little extra oomph)

Epiiiiiiic!!! (Used mostly when observing sports)

In the 21st century, our silly language is full of plain old statements like ‘That was good’, ‘Sweet’ or ‘Awesome.’ Yes, even ‘Mad’ and ‘Sick’ got a little old, whodathunkit? (or as I should say; Who would have thought of that?). So why use silly old 1 Dimensional words, when you could using multi-layered dynamic words like epic!

As a question


Unlike fuck, epic can be used as a question. One would surely not have the following conversation: ‘Oh my god! I’m getting married!’ ‘Fuck?’
But one would be be perfectly correct to reply: ‘Epic?’

Now we move on to the juicier stuff; Epic as a verb, adverb, and an adjective.

As a verb

By jove, that man is epicing along!”

By far the most creative use of the word epic, is in verb form. While normal, inferior people may choose to use a word such as ‘Speeding along’ or ‘Zooming along’, us learned folk know better. A – The act of ‘verbalizing’ the word epic depicts that the action in question is truly of an epic nature and B – It sounds… Well, epic.

The test was Monday; he epiced it.

Our team played in the final last night, however we got epiced.

As an adverb

Sometimes in the English language, one cannot find an appropriate word to describe the way something is being said or done; in those cases you must consult epic and never fuck. Consider the following: ‘“I was playing a game last night and there was a power cut; i lost all of my progress,” he said fuckily. It is extremely lacklustre and obscure; the reader doesn’t really know that the writer is on about. However, the next example is considered much better.

“We won the championship!” he said epically.

As a adjective

“That Glen Thomas is truly an epic man.”

Some words simply cannot sum up what a person is trying to say in a concise and cohesive way. Fuck can achieve the same effect, but most of the time another word has to accompany it for it to make sense. Example: ‘That match was fucking awesome’, one could not say ‘The match was fucking’, unless one was watching a porno (and in that case fucking becomes a verb). The meaning becomes very unclear. More examples follow.

He did an epic poo

That was truly an epic movie

Fuck and Epic finally square off in the ring

Some would say ‘Yeah but fuck can be used to described sex, as well as to intimidate, it’s so dynamic.’ Consider the following comparison:

They went home and had sex all night long (Blatantly obvious)
They went home and fucked all night long (A little crude)
They went home and epiced all night long (Not too heavy, not too light; it’s just right… Anyone?)

The latter latter is obvious the most creative, and one of the principal rules of writing is ‘Show don’t tell’, make people use their imaginations.

As a method of intimidation:

I am going to smash you in the face, arsehole! (Blatant)
I’m going to fuck your face up, arsehole! (Better; more emotion)
I’m going to epic your face up, arsehole! (Perfect mix)

And that’s all we have time for today. So until next time kiddies, if your mother or father asks you to do the dishes, your first instinct may be to say ‘Go and get fucked’, but that would be unwise as they might take it the right way, whereas if you say ‘Go and get Epiced’, they can’t, because you didn’t officially use a profanity.

… Oh, and beware of the Grammar Nazi!

gramma nazi


  1. you're right. what an epic article!

  2. you are an idiot.

    eagerly awaiting your funeral,

    everyone else

  3. dude...your awesome! lol your epicness reached epic proportions with this web blog thingy magiger. You really epiced this 1.

  4. Fuck is still better.

    Fucking epic, eh.

  5. Im annoyed with xbox live cuz they wont let me use the word epic they say its a rude word now that is epic. My buddies and i play halo 3 alot and suck at it so we wanted to call our selves Team Epic fail but it came up as a rude word so we had to put a k in epic insted of a c im really anoyed by this microsoft get an epic life u epic epics

  6. Jesus! That's censorship taken to the next level. Next they'll censor WTF because there is a letter in the acronym that stands for FUCK. Idiots. Thanks for commenting.

  7. Do you know how overused this word is? Supporting it's use makes me think you're absolutely fucked. I searched 'fuck the word epic' and it came up with your bullshit.

  8. Fags trying to be "random" and quote shitty played-out memes.

    All up in this post.

  9. Get your facts straight ass-wipe, this was written in September 2009, so I would say that is just around when the word started gaining popularity, at least where I'm from. Besides, it's a bit of harmless fun. Get a job.

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  14. (a) You're wrong. Fuck CAN be a question:

    John: Fuck?
    Mary: Sure!

    (b) Fuck is usable as an adverb:

    Tony: Should have seen me on my bike mate, I was fucking flying!

    (c) You don't seem to understand the concept of an adjective properly - it's a modifier to a noun. You're using fuck when you compare it as a noun there - it'd be the same as saying:
    'I took an epic'
    'That was truly an epic'

    Now admittedly these DO work but you're using epic as a noun there. You could equally do the same with fuck.
    'I gave a fuck.'
    'That was truly a fuck.'

    More you can also say:

    'That was truly fucked.'

    Epic is just another one of these crappy teenage slang words, soon it'll go the way of groovy, radical, bad, sick, lame, awesome and so many others but fuck, well fuck has staying power and majesty - it's a time honored classic that these here-today-gone-tomorrow buzz words will never match let alone exceed.

    Finally, and perhaps most importantly, what feels better to say to someone at the end of a rant 'Go epic yourself!' or 'Go fuck yourself!'?