Thursday, July 23, 2009

Harry Potter 6: Why The First 2.5 Hours Were Awesome And The Last 25 Minutes Were Shit.

I’m a big fan of Harry Potter, books and movies alike. Sure they have their flaws and J.K Rowling isn’t exactly the most talented writer, but you have to appreciate what she’s done. It’s amazing.
The hype, the mass hysteria. The people that dress in robes and take their wands to movie premieres.

Now when it comes to the movies; I think, as a whole they have been very faithful adaptations, probably amongst the best book to movie adaptations i’ve seen. The 5th one was great, probably the best all round film.

I thought the 6th film was fantastic. The visual style was very different from the other films. It was also noticeably a lot funnier, which i believe was an effort to balance the tone of the movie as it was a lot darker than the others.
My only real problems with the film came in the last 25 minutes, and the annoying thing is, they aren’t even major things (they could have been cut and the movie redeemed), but i believe they detract from the film.

The worst part in the movie was the 10 second scene when Harry is hiding underneath the astronomy equipment (which never actually happened, he was hiding under his invisibility cloak) and Snape approaches him holding up a finger up to shoosh him. It was so fucking unnecessary!
Why? Because it’s major foreshadowing (and it didn’t happen in the book). At the end of the 6th book you’re suppose to hate Snape.
Another problem i had was the manner of the dark wizard’s exit. I’m almost certain that in the book they were chased off by the very powerful teachers of the school along with Ron, Hermione and all that lot, it's a big battle. In the movie however they came in, killed Dumbledore and left of their own free will, no fight at all. And also, logical fallacy; um let’s see, dark wizards in a building which contains hundreds upon hundreds of wizards who could easily grow up to challenge them, maybe even kill them. Why not kill them first, there and then??!! (Too dark!?).
And, if they had Harry, why the fuck didn’t they take him!? Isn’t that like the only thing Voldemort wants?
One more thing; when Harry and Dumbledore were at the basin in the cave i don’t feel the director did enough to emphasise why the potion had to be drank. Why couldn’t Harry just ladle it into the surrounding lake?

Now, on a lighter note. The film was also very funny. My personal favourite was when the kid puked on Snape’s shoes. Ohhhh, the pause, then the look he gives him, “You just earned yourself a month’s detention.”
Also notably the scenes with Harry on Felix (drugs). I’m not exactly sure why having lots of luck made him act stoned, but it was funny.

I’d like to preface this section by saying that it may contain spoilers. But if you have actually ever read the 7th book, then you’'ll know it was spoiled a long time before i came along and wrote this article.

This is the point where i start getting anxious about the 7th movie. Now we all know how I feel about the 7th book (it’s a disgrace to both literature and Harry Potter alike) and everybody should know by now that it’s being split into 2 films. Which i personally think is the studio trying to milk it for all it’s worth. I don’t buy their ‘we are just trying to fit as much in as possible into the finale’ bullshit.
Either way, it’s not really the format it comes in which fazes me, it’s the content.
I certainly hope J.K Rowling can admit to her mistakes with the book and say, “Hey, you know what. I’ll let you guys take it from here.” And fuck off back to the Hamptons or wherever she lives.
I don’t know, maybe bring in some real writers and write a better fucking ending.

I joked with Jodie earlier that they should hire Tarantino to direct the final film. She said, “Gory.” And i thought about it and said, “that’s the way it should be.”

Straight up. Harry should fucking get his hands dirty. Kill that motherfucker! Not that bullshit from the book where Voldemort’s spell rebounds of Harry’s and kills himself, which therefore morally protects Harry from any wrong doing. FUCK OFF! This guy killed your parents and countless other people, he has terrorised the world for over a decade. Get your hands dirty!
A fucking 3rd year Expelliarmus spell and Stupify aren’t gonna cut it.

Here’s the Tarantino Version of the final movie:

Tarantino HP

And god help me if they include the epilogue in the movie. That shit should have been illegal. She should have done time.

Criminal 1: “What are you in for?”

Criminal 2: “Aggravated assault.”

Criminal 2: “You?”

Criminal 1: “Double homicide.”

Both: “How about you pretty lady?”

Rowling: “I wrote a 7 Part book series, spanning over 10 years, enticed people young and old to follow, nay invest themselves in a young boy’s wonderful journey to a magical land of wizards and witches. And then i fucked them all by writing an epilogue 10 years after the events of the last book, leaving nothing up to the reader’s imagination.”

Criminals: “Shit. That’s some cold blooded shit.”

There is a certain level of mystery which is GOOD. But god damn, I don’t want to know what Harry is like when he is 35 Motherfucker!
Of course he is with Ginny, and awww what cute fucking kid’s names. Fuck off. The reason people read books is to use their god damn imagination and especially in this case where so many people have grown up with Harry, we don’t want to know.

Essentially what J.K Rowling did with Book 7 was this. She approached Harry and said, “Hey look, a Unicorn!”
Then whilst he was preoccupied searching the horizon for a phantom unicorn she violated him. Didn’t even ask his fucking name or get his number.

rowling and potter

Sorry Daniel. But i need to make a point.


  1. Haha. My beef with the movie was mainly that they BURNED DOWN THE BURROW. Uh, what? You mean, the Weasley house where the start of the 7th book is set and which certainly did not get burnt down in the 6th book, correct me if I am mistaken?

    I just did not GET that part. Unless I am tripping majorly, nothing even close happened in the book.

    I guess they made Snape's evil doings in the end "kid friendly" because they've made him all cuddly for the past few movies, way less scary and completely closed-minded as he was in the first books.

    Oh, second beef with the movie that was only a result of them mucking up in the 5th book - they got rid of secondary characters like Bill, Fleur, Greyback, etc etc. So that in this movie, while the Order of the Phoenix was meant to rip in and tear Death Eaters apart and Bill's face got mangled beyond repair in the end, well, they couldn't actually do that scene because they left the characters out of the last movie and no one would know who the hell they even were.

    I understand that, though. I understand that they have to compress some stuff, even if it's hugely important in the books, it's not a central part of what the movies are trying to do.

    But you know what? They crapped all over not only the message of the entire book series, but the main message of their own last movie, by reducing Neville to a waiter at their party with one line. Luna, the lucky thing, maybe had three. So much for friendship for all, huh? When Harry skulled the felix charm, I lost the tiny bit of hope I had that they were going to stay true to the book in the end, and have him leave the rest of his felix stuff with Ginny, Neville, Luna, Ron and Hermione for the battle at the end of the book, when they were fighting Death Eaters.

    Okay, I've said my piece. That's me over and out!

  2. You are not mistaken girl-frienddd.
    I couldn't believe it either. Why would they attack a house full of trained wizards lol?

    Yeah i know.
    Dreadful. Pretty damn inconsistent.
    Very good point about them digging themselves
    a whole. Guess they didn't look at the bigger
    picture. Gahhhh

    Who knows, maybe when all 7 movies are done they will release a 7 in one EPIC edition with
    extended versions for all the movies where they actually are faithful to the books lol.
    And maybe if enough people protest and the
    publishing company is willing to pay her, maybe Rowling will rewrite the 7th book?

    Hahaha, a man can dream. =]

  3. I will never get that J.K Rowling meets Radcliffe image out of my head. So steamy. So right. So very, very, wrong.

  4. hahaha anna!
    i had the idea and then believe it or not that picture took 2 minutes to make.
    I love the seedy little smile she is giving =D

  5. I was made sad at the ending. :( Like REALLY sad.

    I was looking forward to seeing all the Hogwarts staff being badass dueling daemons! Casting all these spells and beating the absolute SHITout of those Deatheaters!

    Then see Snape being heaps bad ass too! Killing Old Mate then grabbing Malfoy and kicking ass on the way out.

    Boom Muthafucka! I'm a Wizard Bitch

  6. look right actually harry potter is very good, but do you just want to hear some facts about me?
    Q1) why am i better than harry potter - A1) I am a lot fitter!

    Q2) In a fight between me an a unicorn who would win? - A2) probably the unicorn, but id defiantly, like, fight,like better than harry potter.

    Q3)Who is better than the other person? -A3)Me because, like, ting and fo-shizzle. Wicked wicked cool. safe, holla!