Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Fixer

A couple of days ago I received a letter from Origin (a power company, for those of you playing at home [no, I have no idea what that even means]). We had just paid our electricity bill so I was confused, and maybe a little scared that they were going to make us pay money for some unknown service. I opened the letter and to my great surprise it was the very opposite: they wanted to give me money. Twenty-nine dollars and fifty-seven cents to be exact.

Now, my first thought was, 'Yay, Money.' And the second one was, 'Hey what the hell is up with all of these asterisks?' The cheque had the commonly recognised UNITS, TENS, HUNDREDS etc, but kept going up into the hundreds of millions. Personally I thought it was hilarious, if not a little irresponsible of them. Why, whatever would happen if the cheque fell into the wrong hands? Hands trained in the art of Photoshop? Well, I'll show you exactly what happened.

I've been debating whether or not to go down to the Post Office and cash it. Although I highly doubt they keep that much money on the premises. Oh! And there's the fact that's probably highly illegal and I'd probably get arrested or some bullshit. That's the kind of shit that happens to me: I get done for something like jaywalking, and some guy walking right beside me - with an stolen iPod full of illegally downloaded songs, who has just robbed a bank and thrown a gum wrapper on the ground - walks free.
So there's the downside of trying to cash the cheque, now here's the upside. If it doesn't work, I can just claim it's April Fools day. I wonder whether that would hold up in court? Sounds rock-solid to me.
If that didn't go down well I'd ask what the point of having all those columns if nobody uses them? Personally, I think that's a very good logical argument.
And if both of those things failed me I could always claim that Satan made me do it, and promise to repent at my local church.

Anyway, that's all for now, I have to go...
I have a cheque to cash.