Wednesday, May 27, 2009

10 Things That Are Shit About Centrelink

When i started writing this blog I changed my Facebook status to: Ben Carey is writing a blog about how shit centrelink is. One of my friends commented on it and said, “So i guess that means you don’t support the system that supports you?” to which i replied, “No no, I would rather fuck the system that fucks me.”

Centrelink, the government’s lovely idea of keeping tabs on everyone and providing financial “aid” to people in need. What a joke. It’s more like a game show with like really shit prizes. They notify you to come on down, answer a shit load of useless questions and then they say, “Congratulation Benjamin, you have won the chance to Justify Your Existence!”
Which brings us to, the ten shittest things about Centrelink:

1. The pale green walls

I’m sure it’s supposed to evoke a sense of calmness and tranquillity, but it just reminds me of vomit and baby poo and how much i hate both, it just makes me angrier for being there. It’s enough to drive one insane. I’m actually really surprised (considering all the shady characters that reside there) that there hasn’t been a Centrelink Massacre yet. I mean what do people usually kill for?

- Money
- Being screwed over
- War, defence and other ridiculous reasons

Seems like a perfect target to me. I’m not saying that i condone it in any way, I’m just saying i’m surprised it hasn’t happened, and let’s face it, at least the walls wouldn’t be so bland anymore.

2. The shitty Mid day television

My god!
It’s just so cruel. As if we haven’t been tortured enough. Really old (and not the good kind like Dawn Patrol or Dr. No) movies, with terrible acting, shrill American accents, predictable storylines and ridiculously upbeat music that makes you want to fight something.
The least they could do is give us Foxtel. Then at least it’s modern shitty American television.

3. The disgruntled workers

It’s a statistical fact that 99.37% of Centrelink workers are fuckbags who don’t have a shred of human decency or that little thing that most of us treasure called personality. It’s just their job you say? Fuck you, i would reply. Get another job, all they do is inflict their depression on the rest of us.
The worst part is when you find a really nice person (most of the time at the counter) who understands your problem and then they transfer you to some other douche bag who you have to explain everything to AGAIN.
It’s like saying to a kid, Oh here’s a PS3, the pinnacle of human achievement and a super awesome HD TV for you to play it on…but you can’t actually use it, you can only look at it and compare it to how shitty your Xbox is.

4. When they cut you off for no reason or loose your forms

Fun fun fun. Especially when it’s in the middle of your exam block. They will request that you come in 5 times a week just to sort out something that is completely their fault to start with AND if it all gets sorted out they will not even give you the slightest apology let alone any kind of compensation. They will either imply that it’s your fault, or some other branch of Centrelink, but never them personally.

5. The company

Only in Centrelink will you find such an assortment of Ex-Convicts (and lets face it; soon to be Convicts), drug addicts, alcoholics, wife bashers, seedy old men and my favourite of all – irate aboriginals that reek of a mixture of alcohol, petrol and McDonalds. For starters, don’t you dare call me racist! I have just as much respect for an aboriginal person who acts like a real human being as anyone else. I do not however have a shred of respect for those who beg me for money and shout insults at me if i don’t give it to them, those who waste away their lives and kill the name of aboriginals everywhere by sitting on streets getting pissed, being violent and generally unpleasant. If they have enough time, money and effort to do that maybe they should get a fucking job, go back to school, or do some volunteer work. Anything is better than that right?

“Life is unfair, kill yourself or get over it.” – Child Psychology by Black Box Recorder.

6. Their stupid forms and the amount of them you have to fill out

Centrelink has recently been advised that you went to the toilet on the 23/04/2009. You are required to provide all information about that visit. Please answer the following questions:

1. Roughly how many times did you go to the toilet on the 23/04/2009?

2. Was it number ones or number twos?

3. What was the consistency of the urine?

7. The waiting time

2 Hours to hand in some fucking forms!
Enough said.

8. The waiting time

Maybe not. 2 Hours!!!!!!

9. The punishment they dish out the unemployed

Okay so half the people that get dragged through the Jobseekers system are just plain lazy and couldn’t be bothered get off their asses to get a job, but the other half, ones that can’t for the life of them find a job in the current financial situation get punished too.
If you don’t know about the system, every 2 weeks they have to apply for 10 jobs and write them down in a form and show them to Centrelink. On top of that, any job which they are accepted into they have to take. But here’s the real kicker, as of July 1st people on Jobseekers will have to work for Centrelink for their fortnightly pay. Now that’s just plain evil. Crimes against humanity. Personally i’d rather die of starvation and pneumonia then put up with their shit.

10. It’s Centrelink.

Do i really need to say more?


  1. lol- again, sigh, so much rage.

    be happy you GET FREE MONEY from your government- now go make me a sammich

    1. Bianca, sure we are getting free money, but giving bad respect and making so many mistakes is not a nice thing for us the community. You would understand if you experienced these. Centrelink is one painful thing to go about

    2. As much as I admire anyone who has their say about the Human Services appalling service to humanity, the money people get is NOT free. It is taxpayers money - in other words people who work and pay taxes are having part of their hard earned money going into the bank accounts of some teen mum; boozed up hobo; useless ATSI layabouts and single parent families that have been living with their partners for years. Please don't make the mistake that benefits are coming from storks in the night. That is an infantile and narrow-minded view. If you have two arms, legs and something like a brain between your ears you are able bodied and eligible for work.

    3. As much as i think the money is free, i still have to work 25 hours a week for it. That makes a current going rate of about $10-$12 per hour. It would be illegal to employ a junior trainee at that rate. And of course with regular failure of the online website and app, people don't even get that. And then they have to take time off to phone or visit centrelink. (Common enquiry takes 1hr20 - 2 hours) Yes i detest those that give me "FREE" money for my "FREE" work... :P

  2. True. In essence it's free. But it's kind of like a deal with the devil, he ownns your soul. lol anyway isn't it better i vent here than take it out on people that make me angry in the real world.

    P.s two things. You're really going to "love" my latest one :p

    andddd, i did post one kind of happy one :D
    about Federer! Yay me :)

  3. Bianca can go fuck herself, ugly ghetto whore.

  4. Pleas join my group and spread the word

  5. I concur with all 10 points.

  6. Centrelink gave me a debt which was their fault ( i never received that money) and I had to pay Brad And Dunstreet. After they pursued and threatened me numerous times.

    I had to pay 1000 back which I never received.

  7. Although expressed with many more expletives than I would have used, you pretty much summed it up. Gotta laugh, or go nuts. Thanks for helping me laugh!

  8. (cont'd) ....although I must say I have encountered some genuinely helpful people working for Centrelink. I hope they escape with their sanity and humanity intact.

  9. Fucking bunch of fucking dogs, they couldnt give a fucking rats ass about decent folk just trying to get some assistance when we are down and out, they get there pay in there accounts every pay day, there is always a 1 hour waiting time to get answered via phone, I did everything they asked and now they want proof in black and white that I am employed as a casual for a company that only hires me here and there (like a few days a month) if im lucky, I told them I am employed as a casual but they want me to ask my company to provide them proof, fucking dogs, I told them isnt that enough proof? dogs!!!

  10. well said mate pack of stupid fucking dog cunts. my problem is My problem with them is they think I can still find a job to suit my disability. A few years ago I was involved in a serious motorbike crash which left me with fracture hip back ribs knees and both ankles snapped like a chicken’s leg. Most days is a struggle to get out of bed to piss let alone hold down a fucking fulltime job and these cunt after about 4 referrals from orthopedic doctors (each saying that my body is a mess) so they gave me a pension card and told me to be on my way and no pension payment so stuck on shittie new start so living on 500 a fortnight is unheard of that covers my rent for a place over my head a little food that’s it. So I sell weed to make my living been busted a few times but hey gota do what u have to do to survive just like u Bianca u fat whore breath slurry easy for u to roll on ya back to make the coin ya useless waist of space or maybe u work for them cunts.

  11. I'm on hold now and all I want to do is ask a questio about registering so I can recieve job assistance if I'm able too - and go on the national unemployment stats ... I'm not even after any support income ... been an hour ...

  12. work for the dole is a mild form of slavery. if im working you can pay me a wage thankyou very much you egyptian pieces of shit

  13. You'd get more sympathy for your plight if you didn't piss and moan about other people who are in the same boat as if you're somehow better than them.

    You sound like you think you're the only one who has had a rough time of it, everyone else is there just to be a lazy bludger but you're some kind of unique and precious little delicate flower than needs protection from the big bad Centrelink.

    That kind of entitled whining, cause frankly you don't sound that badly off - merely unable to find a job at the moment - is the kind of thing that helps people turn a blind eye to just how shit our current system is in many of the other regards that you mention... and others that you don't, preferring to complain about TV and the paint job on the walls.

    Really if those are the biggest two complaints you have, you really should go look for a job instead of ranting on the internet about how Centrelink is committing "Crimes against humanity" against you and how everyone at the Centrelink but you are just lazy bums and criminals. Oh, or "aboriginals" that you imply aren't acting like "real human beings". Right before declaring your comments to be non-racist (bit defensive don't you think?) and that incredible absence of self awareness involved in telling people to study or get a job if they have so much spare time... in a bitchy little rant on the internet. Gold.

  14. I've been on the phone with these fucks for one hour and still no answer and what's a bet they'll force me to come into the god damn facility for a 5 hour wait and a 5 minute service

  15. Centerlink is not fucking free you idiots. Your tax money when you ARE working pays for it. People keep crapping on about how it is a free hand out which is not reality.

  16. Anyone who complains about getting money for nothing is a loser and always will be.

  17. Its not centrelinks fault that your mother was a whore

  18. As someone who works at Centrelink I can assure you fucking you over is our highest priority. The main reason is everyone is terminally lazy. 95% of things we can fix in 2 minutes by ourselves but that would then mean actually working. Instead its easier to cut someones payment off and then have them come in which generates face to face which helps justify our staffing levels and we can milk an easy fix 2 minute problem into 15 to 30 minutes of chatting and generally fucking about doing nothing. Some days I manage to get it down to about 6 to 10 customers 'served' in an entire working day If someone gets shirty about it then fuck their future payments over as punishment.

    1. Ur cancer I'd love to see you tortured to death

  19. I have a fucking Ba applied science but due ti being falsely accussed of assult, since completely cleared, I lost my job. Fuckwit who accussed me was standing behind me opposite side. Now I am being rooted by my enployer who wont provide documents OR even take me ofd their books. They want me to quit as it makes the HR chicks life easier.

    So no work or money for near 2 months. Centerlink as helpful as my former? Employer? Money for nothing? Fuck u. I pay taxes I cant get a new job without my last enployer providing a statement of service. Im screwed.

  20. fuck centerlink workers.i hope they die of brain cancer

    1. Hmm did you also get a pension cut, Yeah I also went out torturing and mutilating in a rage
      I doesn't mental illness

  21. Fucking mcLosers, get your mcdoogals and get the fuck out of this country. 🙊

  22. I'm not sure if they are trying to be stupid in there or are actually just stupid.

  23. Still on hold atm been going in for weeks to figure out youth allowance payments. I also have a job that taxes me a shit tone gives me no hours and Centrelink gets me to fill out the same forms over and over again. I get told to fill out a different form from different ladies and it just seems to always be the wrong form. Why can’t they hire more people so we aren’t on hold or waiting for hours on end. Government think of better system or give Australians jobs.