Two little articles that made my blood boil

So I was sitting there flipping through the pages of mX trying to determine exactly why this particular newspaper makes my blood boil so much…and then i remembered, oh yeah it’s free.

The first offensive article was about a local guy why is honourably giving up drinking alcohol for a year in the name of research. Trying to find out why teenagers drink.
Okay i’ll tell you why they drink, they drink because they’re fucking stupid and they would much rather be under the influence of a substance which makes them feel like they can take on the world. Oh and drown out the pain of the horrible teenage lifestyle while they’re at it. They would rather blow half their week’s pay check on booze than actually put it towards something useful which might actually bring them some real happiness or get them somewhere in life.
There you go. That took me five minutes, so if you think that observing the drinking habits of teenagers for an entire year is actual “research” then you can go get fucked. In fact i find your grandstanding for the media offensive, as if to say “i’m going where no man has ever been before.” Well fuck you mother fucker, i’ve never touched a drop of alcohol in my life and i’m strongly opposed to people relying on it to live life, but it’s people like you who give people like me a bad name, and for what? So you can get your name in the fucking no name paper? So you can brag to your friends about how much of a douche you are? ANGRY!!!!

Number 2. An article on how Oral Sex causes cancer…

  
For fucks sake, aren’t we all sick of hearing about what causes cancer?

• Exposure to the sun causes cancer
• Smoking causes cancer
• Excess coffee causes cancer
• Panadol causes cancer
• Watching Twilight causes cancer

Mother fucker I’m sick of hearing it!
And what’s with this sad ass excuse for “hard facts” to back the article up. “A US study of 300 people found that those more than six partners were at almost nine times the risk of catching the virus.”
Oh sorry, I must have misread that. “A US study of 300 people found that those with more than six partners should STOP BEING FUCKING SLUTS, of course they are going to get a disease or two!”