The People From My Past

Upon logging on to my Facebook account this morning I received yet another message informing me that people whom I used to go to school with 5 years ago are still trying to add me. People that either didn’t ever speak two words to me or somehow despised me because i came from a “hippy school.” Get real you idiots! The whole town is fully of drugged up hippies. There was a time, before my creative expression was stripped from me (thanks to your friends at Maleny State High) when i was particularly fond of strange haircuts. Bleached, spiked, shaved, Mohawk, died purple. You name it and i had done it. Without a doubt my crowning achievement was the self invented style; half shaved and half curly brown locks. Now i know this seems like a tangent for the sake of a tangent, but believe it or not it does have a point.
Somehow the popular kids in 8th grade found out about it and gave me hell for it. You know the poor kid in the movies that everyone picks on? That was me. Because i was different, expressive and “uncool.” But i look back on it and laugh my pants off, because i see they were just jealous, jealous that they didn’t have the stones to actually rock up to school looking how they wanted to look rather than how they were told to look. I was teased for being uncool, but i was ten times cooler than any of those motherfuckers and i think it shows, 5 years on. Who’s the one at university studying something he loves and perusing his dream and who's the one helping his mum with the shopping? (Yeah, that one’s for you Josh Krooper).

Anyway, now that’s out of my system, i had a cool idea of making a list of some of the offenders which keep adding me on Facebook and saying bad things about them. Yay.

Kristy Parker

By far the worst offender. She has tried to add me no less than 5 times, and i have rejected her fat ass every single time, but she keeps coming back for more. Kinda like 7th Grade? She was such a slut she dated like every boy in grade 7 (at Maleny State) which i cant understand cuz she butt ugly. All i can say is, if she ever gets pregnant i sure hope she gets an abortion because that shit would be considered crimes against humanity.

Marc Johnston

A lost specimen from an unknown laboratory in which they were attempting to breed pigs with humans. They succeeded spectacularly; he received motor skills and the ability to walk on two legs from his human ancestors and his looks and intelligence from the swine. Doctors are still confounded as to how he managed to hold both the tongs and the stubby.

Anton Hughes

Probably number 1 on the biggest douche list because we actually used to be friends. This guys gets off on drugs, womanizing and being a complete douche. Yes Anton, we can see you’re giving the camera the finger. And you just know from the look on his face that he needs a blue card to get a job.

Ben Avery

Also a former friend. I used to help him out with school work or girl problems and he thanked me by dating the girl i had been in loved with for 2 years. I saw him last year and approached him for old times sake, he was sitting on the train smashed and depressed, his girlfriend on the other side bawling her eyes out. He looked up and said “hey.” 5 Years and all he gave me was “hey.”
He’s a plumber now, good to see he is making good use of those Special Maths and English Communication grades. I remember vividly the first time he got an A in maths, their 4 week assignment was to find out the surface area of their bedroom and decide which colour to paint it. He was so proud. Idiot.

Cammi Leung

Crazy bitch always had it in for me. Always attacked me verbally and sometimes physically for one thing or another. At camp in grade 12 there was a school dance and out of all the people in all the world i was unlucky enough to pick her. Luckily i didn’t have to go because i had heat stroke and i was vomiting in the toilets. A small price to pay.
Oh an if that wasn’t bad enough, she ruined Harry Potter Book 5 for me. Fucking slut, i put off reading it for two years because of her.

Jacob Newman

As you can tell from his mug shot, he was the biggest bottom feeder of the entire town. He once punched me in the gut for looking at him “funny.” All i can say is, when it final happens and you get put away for fucking your sister, don’t drop the soap big boy.

Rebecca Wray

Now we are getting to the barely worth a mentions. All i can say is she never even bothered to give me the time of day. I love this picture and the funny thing is i’ve never been able to tell which one is Rebbeca and which is the Orang-utan.

 

There we go! All done. Left out a few people, but that’s because i’m really hungry and you get the point. You have no idea how liberating it is to say the things i always wanted to say. And no one can do shit, because this is my site and i have the right to my opinion. Ahh the beauty of Freedom of Speech. Suck my fat one arseholes.