Where is your god now?

Yesterday I went to a pre-screening of  'Boy', which was very good, but that's not what this is about. I was waiting outside for maybe ten minutes for the doors to open; I saw many weird people, but one particular lady took the cake. She had short braided fluoro-pink hair and was wearing a burgundy suit with a purple cape like monstrosity. Oh and she had a little dog with her. So she walked on by and I thought that was that. But no.

So there I was sitting about three rows from the front, waiting for the movie to start when I see her coming down the isle with a large pink, of course, backpack. She sits down a few seats from me and sets her bag down gently. Halfway through the movie, I happened to glance around the cinema and I couldn't believe my eyes. The woman had her dog on her lap and she was stroking it! It blew my mind, in all sorts of ways. And when the film was over she plonked him back in the bag, zipped it up, and went on her merry way.

Part of me wanted to run up to an attendant and say "that woman has a dog in her bag!" which, let's face it, sounds positively mental. However, I think I was a little too taken aback. Due to this and my thorough enjoyment of the movie, I once again left my $600 phone in the cinemas. Luckily, I remembered in time and ran back to collect it.

...Ah life, you strange, magnificent bastard!

Crisis Averted.

So I decided to go for a morning stroll down to the shops about an hour ago, to get milk. Usually, because it's winter and it's cold, I would just leave my track pants and rainbow woollen socks on, throw on my ugg-boots and be on my way, but today I felt like looking halfway presentable, so I threw on some comfy shorts and, wondering why I don't wear them more often, set off to the shops.

I pick up a three-litre milk, of course, and decide that the two for one cereal deal is just too good to pass up on, so I get two of those big awkward boxes of cereal also. I get a couple of other things and make my way to the register. As I am standing there I feel my pants get looser all of a sudden, I feel around and one of the buttons has fallen straight off. I suddenly remember why I don't wear them any more: the first button fell off about six months ago, the second about four months ago, which means the only thing keeping them around my waist was the third button, and seeing as that had just fallen off my pants were beginning to fall down. I paid for my stuff and sat down on the bench beside the counter, I have no idea why it's there but god am I thankful it is.

So I look around for something to MacGyver my pants with: a piece of string, wire, some blu-tack. Nothing. So I settle for holding all the bags in one hand and putting my other hand in my pocket and using it to hold up my pants. So there I am walking along, freaking out somewhat, but trying to look cool, calm and collected.

I passed about twenty or so people on the way home and none of them suspected my pants could have dropped to the ground at any point; they probably just thought, "hey, that's one cool cat". Well, that's my hope at least.

Crisis averted.

A testament to human nature, perseverance...and stubbornness.

So, at Wimbledon last night there was a match between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut which has been running for exactly 10 hours. It is tied up at 59-59 in the fifth set and will continue for a third day tonight. It really is one of the most fascinating things i've ever seen. I stayed up until 5.30 in the morning just to witness
it first-hand. It really is a testament to human nature, perseverance, belief. Niether man wants to lose, but unfortunately, sooner or later there will be one, but they will both be regarded as heroes. Anyway, whilst watching it, a bunch of funny thoughts came into my head and I thought I'd share them =]

Federer v Falla: What Really Happened

The Last Few Months: Told Through Numerous Weird And Wonderful Images

So I haven't posted in ages. It really annoys me that I haven't. I feel like i've let myself down in someway, and worse still, I feel like I've let down three three people who actually read my blog. Sorry guys. Anyway, here's a bunch of pictures I've taken on my phone over the last few months, with stories attached. Wooo!

This first one was taken walking from uni to my bus stop and when I read it I had plenty of lols, so I thought it only fitting that I share.

Coles Chermside. I lolled so hard. I mean  who is going to buy tampons and burritos in the same shop?!

Cash Converters in the valley. The fact that there were 20 Xbox's is humorous enough, however, the fact that there were only two Playstations speaks volumes. I'm not going to go on a fanboy rant. Because everyone knows Playstations are better.

Op Shop In Alderley. Superman and Batman Shampoo: for when you want the job done properly.

Alderley train station. A bin to deposit your transport surveys. Shows just how much Translink cares about your opinions =P

Bianca and I were in Southbank and she had just gotten a call. So I stood around waiting a what do I find in a nearby bush? A spoon. Fuck yeah! Someone must have been eating some late-night yoghurt and forgot their spoon or something.

Powerhouse Toilets.

Powerhouse Toilets. Now this one you can't really read, because it's been engraved with a knife. It says "Kill America" and then someone has replied underneath it saying "why bother, they'll kill themselves".

K Mart Chermside. This one is just super creepy and has a funny story attached. One day recently I felt my phone vibrate and I was like oh, *takes it out of my pocket and looks at the screen* and there was this fucking baby's face and I was like WHAT THE FUCK, because I couldn't for the life of me remember taking it. So I'm looking around because I thought someone might of blue-toothed it to me and then I remembered. lol. It's like when you think you've lost your wallet...but infinitely creepier.

Uni. I couldn't stop laughing at this. A Mac with a Microsoft mouse. Haha, someone has a sense of humour.

Uni. There's this big plasma which you can text (or twitter) in suggestions for the new Creative Industries precinct. And for the third time I have said a cinema. Lol. There are some really funny ones sometimes, like "beer fountains" and :free cake stalls". So that's all for now. I'll check back in soon guys. Hope you had a good lol.

The Fixer

A couple of days ago I received a letter from Origin (a power company, for those of you playing at home [no, I have no idea what that even means]). We had just paid our electricity bill so I was confused, and maybe a little scared that they were going to make us pay money for some unknown service. I opened the letter and to my great surprise it was the very opposite: they wanted to give me money. Twenty-nine dollars and fifty-seven cents to be exact.

Now, my first thought was, 'Yay, Money.' And the second one was, 'Hey what the hell is up with all of these asterisks?' The cheque had the commonly recognised UNITS, TENS, HUNDREDS etc, but kept going up into the hundreds of millions. Personally I thought it was hilarious, if not a little irresponsible of them. Why, whatever would happen if the cheque fell into the wrong hands? Hands trained in the art of Photoshop? Well, I'll show you exactly what happened.

I've been debating whether or not to go down to the Post Office and cash it. Although I highly doubt they keep that much money on the premises. Oh! And there's the fact that's probably highly illegal and I'd probably get arrested or some bullshit. That's the kind of shit that happens to me: I get done for something like jaywalking, and some guy walking right beside me - with an stolen iPod full of illegally downloaded songs, who has just robbed a bank and thrown a gum wrapper on the ground - walks free.
So there's the downside of trying to cash the cheque, now here's the upside. If it doesn't work, I can just claim it's April Fools day. I wonder whether that would hold up in court? Sounds rock-solid to me.
If that didn't go down well I'd ask what the point of having all those columns if nobody uses them? Personally, I think that's a very good logical argument.
And if both of those things failed me I could always claim that Satan made me do it, and promise to repent at my local church.

Anyway, that's all for now, I have to go...
I have a cheque to cash.

Dreams

Wow. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve made an entry. I feel really slack. I’ve had a bunch of different ideas, but I guess I’ve just been too lazy to get off my butt and write them. Until now.

I just had one of, if not the weirdest dream I’ve ever had. There are always many fragments to one’s dreams, but this is the one that remained the most vivid.

For some reason Mariah and I were in America. Not only that, but we
were staying on the top floor of the Empire State building (for some reason it had a residential sector). We just chilled most of the time until something super weird happened.
Mariah got a 1 Kilo box of Cornflakes (I don’t know where from, probably Walmart) and thought it would be funny to throw it off. So she did and for some reason we could hear it hit the ground. People swore up at the building and she laughed. She ended up doing it again (it's not clear to me whether it was the same packet or a new one, and if it was a new one, why the hell did she need 2 Kilos of Cornflakes???). This time after she threw it off, the police arrived and later that day we saw on the TV that someone had died from it. I was horrified and she was like, "Yeah I kinda regret doing that now."
"Kind of regret it?!" I said shocked.
"Yeah,” She replied.

And that’s all I remember. Now here’s a little digression, but I guarantee it totally has to do with the topic at hand unlike usual. Yesterday we went to the Op-Shop and I picked up a bunch of books including an Encyclopedia of Dreams (hey, it’s was $6 and looked comprehensive, don’t judge me!).

So, armed with my Encyclopedia O’ Dreams I was determined to find out what it all meant. I lucked out on the Cornflakes front, all I could find was Corn: To dream of husking pied ears of corn means you will enjoy varied success and pleasure. What the fuck right? But wait, there’s more: To see others gathering corn, foretells that you will rejoice in the prosperity of friends or relatives. Unfortunately it didn’t say nothing about gathering the corn, boxing it in a 1 Kilo box and throwing it off the top of the Empire State building…although it obviously should.
Adamant not to give up I kept looking. There was no entry for Cereal and the one for Breakfast was highly ambiguous (I began to compare reading dreams to reading horoscopes), so I moved on to the Empire State building. Buildings: To see large and magnificent buildings, with green lawns stretching out before them, is significant of a long life of plenty, and travels and explorations into distant countries. Right…
The definitions for Dead and Death were far too long winded and ambiguous to bother with so I stuck with murder. Murder: To see murder in your dreams foretells much sorrow arising from the misdeed of others. In a similar vein, an excerpt from the long definition of Friend: To see your friend who dresses in somber colours in flaming red, foretells that unpleasant things will transpire, causing you anxiety if not loss, and that friends will be implicated.

Okay, so my complete interpretation of Mariah (Friend) throwing a box of Cornflakes (Corn) off the Empire State building (Buildings) and killing someone (Murder) is this: My friends are going to screw me over, but not to worry because I will be rich, prosperous and travel the world. Sounds like a Hollywood movie. Thank you $6 Dream Encyclopedia for giving my life meaning again.